How I feel overall as of 10/8/17 .. anxious.
Last year I vowed to myself to be stress free. A complete year passed and I held strong with that. I know in life everything changes so I guess my stress free reign has come to an end. I'm not out here pulling my hair out and losing sleep over anything in particular but I know for sure I'm not at ease like I recently was.
I always knew that in life I wanted to help people , I wasn't for sure how . I keep having visions of having an event to express called #FEEL. I also keep having visions of doing something to implement love in the school systems. The feel event will still hapen at some point in time but my focus has been on the school systems proposal. I meet with people starting 10/17. I don't think I've been on chill since I started working on this.
The other thing is ... I know this is inevitable but I'm kind of getting annoyed with people taking me wrong . I know it's my own fault but it seems as though in order for me to be okay with other people I have to conform to what they want for the moment. People seem to like me a lot except they don't at all . It's confusing and draining to figure out to say the least . I'm not the kind of person that can really brush things off especially if the criticism or ill feelings come from people I care about. I try to understand them even if I don't agree. It's extremelyyyyy exhausting when people take you wrong when at least 90 percent of the time I'm in a positive space and give light even when there is darkness surrounding me . It's like I'm not allowed to speak on negativity unless I'm being deemed as negative. I'm not allowed to have a bad day or a bad moment at all . That's tiresome.
I don't want to live on mute because people can't or don't want to take ALL of me . This isn't shade towards any specific person by the way . Just how I feel at the moment. This isnt a pity part post but DAMNNNNN can I have people who genuinely fuck with me without thinking I'm too much or too little for them ? I have that with a select few and I'm extremely grateful but it's sort of like what the hell do I have to do for everyone to see and take me for who/what I am.
All of this makes the dating world hard as well .. sighs.
I think right now in life overall I'm just anxious for new. I'm anxious for these proposals to these schools . I'm anxious for better and new surroundings. I'm anxious for new experiences , and traveling . I'm anxious for new friends. As much as I hate to say this or even sound like I'm rushing things in life , I'm anxious to seriously date . The dating world is dangerous , sketchy , and corny. Though I'm willing to compromise , I know what I want when dating .I'm starting to understand that being an "alpha female" as far as personality goes isn't always taken well when dealing with other people. Being "too much" blows. I had a friend tell me that if someone thinks I'm too much then THEY aren't enough for me . I get it but still blows lol... {What's annoying is this is another instance of when I'm confused.. I'm lit mot of the time but when I'm not apparently that overshadows the good?? huh?}
No further words... just anxious for it all.
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