Thanks...

I often think about why people come into my life. There's a few people that at one point I seriously wondered , "why the hell are you here?" (( Of course if you continue to feel that way about someone you have to ask "Why the hell am I here?" and quickly remove yourself from that situation no matter how hard that may be.))

I've noticed in the past year I've been more open to meet different people ; for dating , or friendship . My personality has never really been on hermit crab but prior to 2016 I would kind of have this wall up unless I knew you , thus making it harder for me to meet anyone .The majority of the people I let my wall down for were strangely the ones who I experienced the most pain with . I literally loved the people that abused me and wanted me beneath them. Cold world.Pain is what I was once comfortable with ((ill talk about it in a blog soon )). 

If we're going to be all the way real I was too wrapped up and consumed with mental abuse (borderline brainwashed) to even care about meeting other people smh . In the last year I think everyone I've had enough conversation with have helped me in some way or another. Even the horrible people I came across showed and reminded me of what NOT to accept .There were the people that I met that were CLEARLY in my life to test me as well as see if I grew mentally . Again , prior to 2016 I would have fallen for anything anyone threw at me . Dumb , I know but ehhhh when you care about everything except yourself it happens. 

The real reason for this post is because I was thinking about the few people I've connected with in some way this year . Whether I've known them for years but reconnected somehow OR if I just met them ; I think in a positive light they have been the most influential people I have ever had in my life. At times you're not ready for certain things so you don't allow yourself to receive things even if they are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU . Or if we're going to be honest , some people in our lives who have been there the longest don't really care if you win or not .Period.

I notice that people who have known you forever sometimes can't give you what you need simply because they know you . As ironic/crazy as that sounds , I feel like for certain levels of growth , support, motivation etc. an outside source who has a complete clean slate of you (or someone who is willing to learn about the YOU that is  here today and constantly growing) is what is necessary. If they judge you , you might care less . If they don't support , it probably will not hurt as bad. Get me ? Some people you have known forever will only know the you they met , not the you of right now . 

Some have been around for a month , some longer , some still here . I appreciate coming into the paths of these people because , in short, they have accepted me for me . Those few people have motivated me as well as challenged me to do exactly what I want no matter how crazy or far fetched it may seem at the time. They have encouraged me to stop being scared of myself . Again, some of them I have no ties with any longer but I can't help but to think the universe was giving me exactly what I needed by allowing me to meet and connect with them in some way . 

Idk why this is so long but I really just wanted to say thank you lmao. I promise I'm not trying to be dramatic when I say this but knowing that a few people actually want to see me do better , push me to grow and still check me when they feel I'm slacking means the WORLD to me . Knowing people are interested in my words , opinions and learning about me without shutting me down or trying to change me in anyway is literally EVERY THING. Thanks to just simply telling me you see my growth or you're proud of me ... all of that make a difference .

Thanks to the ones who faithfully click on this blog without me asking and encourage me to keep going even . I am used to being the light for others in any way I can , even when my own was dimmed or even turned off for myself . Thank you all for being the light for me to see my way . 

I have this long ass novel just to say thank you . Yall know who you are. WE ARE GOING TO WIN SOONER THAN LATER!!